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Primary Education News
News An ode to retiring from teaching: all of the things I won't miss
As teacher Teresa Simpson approaches retirement, she shares her poem about all the professional niggles that she looks forward to leaving behind
I've got a little list
After 40 years in teaching my retirement's come around
And I've got a little list
Of things I will not miss.
Getting up at 6am – especially when it's dark.
That Sunday evening marathon with essays still to mark
All learning styles and teaching modes and action plans and charts
Personalised learning plans with targets that are smart
And annoying little acronyms like Seals and Pelts and Darts
There's none of them I'll miss
cos I've got them on my list and there's none of them I'll miss.
There're assessments that are formative and summative as well
Controlled, continuous, linear – all showcased in Excel,
The Inputting of data into windows electronic,
Translating to statistics that will send you catatonic.
I know they'll not be missed cos I've got them on the list
They'll none of them be missed.
There're those pestilential snoopers from Ofsted we all loathe
And that irritating pompous prat the odious Mr Gove
I've got HIM on my list and I'm sure HE won't be missed
I know HE won't be missed.
There's creating three-part lesson plans with objectives robust
Challenging and enriching with focussed stimulus
Then delivering to 9x4 who really can't be fussed
I've got them on the list so I'm sure they'll not be missed
I'm sure they'll not be missed.
They're those fading distant memories of lost initiatives
Such as ROAs, Diplomas, SATs, and APP
YTS, Key Skills, Skills Force, and EMC,
16+, TVEI, G and T and EIC
And Becta, QCA, GTC, and SSP.
And now all those billowing waves of intervention strategy
And that farcical fiasco Gove's new 'improved' GCSE
There's none of them I'll miss. There's none of them I'll miss.
Then there's educational jargon of an obfuscating kind
Such as what do you call it? Thingumabob and likewise – never mind,
And p…p…p… and what's its face and oh… I haven't a clue
The task of filling up the blanks, I'll just leave to you
But it really doesn't matter what you put upon the list
For there's none of them be missed. There's none of them be missed.